as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
