She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
