look no pants
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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