I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
