Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
