Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
