Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
