well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We are two peas in an std pod
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
