Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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