I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
