the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
not ubering you a puppy
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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