I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you made out with another girl for some wings
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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