the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
