you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
