she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
