is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Two words: blizzard sex
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
