Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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