i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
