I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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