When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
