i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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