dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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