When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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