R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
