did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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