i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
420 ftw
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
