guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
