You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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