i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
