I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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