he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
