ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
