I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
