Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
