my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
