sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
