dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
