dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
