I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
