With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
