Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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