So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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