I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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