Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
