At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
