apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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