My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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