apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
