I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
