I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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