worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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