I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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