I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
