Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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