K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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