i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
