How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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