Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
