well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
